SUFRO

Nunca tuve claro si aquella línea fina que separaba la realidad de mis expectativas respecto a la vida separaba distintos mundos. Cuando sólo se quiere estar en silencio, se necesita silencio interiormente, por lo que es imposible lograrlo cuando se tienen miles de voces en lo más profundo de ti.

Nadie ha esclarecido qué es lo que ocurre. A veces busco información con la finalidad de hallar una respuesta. Una respuesta que jamás podría obtener si  la tuviese que formular en alto, o porque simplemente nadie sabría responderme.

Vivir pensando constantemente, sin siquiera un solo segundo de descanso es extenuante. No para. La presión y las cuatro paredes en las que te halles son las rejas. No eres libre, ni por un solo momento. Sientes que te ahogas, que no puedes coger aire y llenar toda la caja torácica. Sientes pinchazos muy agudos en la espalda al tratar de respirar. Intentas respirar por la boca y la sensación es aún más agobiante. Es prácticamente como estar encadenado...pero el carcelero eres tú mismo, es tu propio cerebro.

Juan padece psicosis. Le inyectan algo en la séptima planta del hospital. Era increíblemente narcisista y altivo, ahora no es nada. Ojalá volviese a ser el mismo. Nadie lo somos desde entonces. Ni siquiera yo.

Su propio cerebro es una trampa, al igual me ocurre a mí.

Una vez me levanté a su lado y me dí cuenta de que sería una de las pocas personas que podría entenderme aunque a veces entrara en estado psicótico por completo cuando se emborrachaba. Fue una pena perder a un amigo. Fue doloroso.

Aquello que radica en nuestro cerebro es complejo, muy complejo. La mayoría de gente no entiende la complejidad de los pensamientos o los trastornos, por eso los ignoran, incluso la complejidad de emociones...yo intento fingir ser normal, pero creo por completo, que son el resto quienes no son normales siendo tan simples. Se fingir de forma muy efectiva el ser normal, pero no puedo evitar que mi cabeza en ocasiones esté a punto casi a estallar. Muchas veces no puede continuar la farsa, se cae la máscara y sólo tienes dos opciones: mostrarle al mundo entero lo loco que estás o encerrarte en casa y sufrir.

La gente piensa que las drogas son una simple opción en tu vida y es mentira. En muchas ocasiones  son una necesidad, sean legales o no. La gente debería tener opción a tomar un prozac o un canuto, eso sí es una opción. No entienden nada, no nos comprenden. Nos obligan a vivir en sociedad y a no ser libres, cuando saben que nos hace daño. No somos capaces de llevar una vida simple y alegre como la gente normal, porque no lo somos.

Quizá sólo tenemos la soledad como bendición o maldición, pero tampoco es permitida. Tienes que irte al Tibet, o meterte en alguna secta de la Alpujarra. No somos delincuentes, somos distintos. No tenemos por qué ser homosexuales, transexuales, negros o mujeres maltratadas para ser considerados "diferentes". Somos distintos en otros muchísimos aspectos, y nos los negáis.

Yo sólo quiero que este sistema asqueroso deje de matar mi individualidad ya que es prácticamente lo único que necesito en mi vida y no me lo aseguran. No encajo ni deseo intentar encajar, porque sufro. Lo sufro y ni siquiera me dejáis apaciguar legalmente mi dolor. No entendéis el grado de dolor que se puede llegar a sentir, hasta el punto de que se pueda manifestar físicamente.

GRAY CLAIMING DAY

I was about to take a train when I remember you. There was a bright feeling inside me, convincing me that you would say "yes."

If I had been through many things ... Would I have whipped?

Was I someone who couldn't accept my lover's happiness? Leaving that place helped me deal with my memory of you. We had a magical time together ... so I felt happy for once.

I found you late at night, skating down the street towards the beach. I was about to go to the beach too and I saw you. It was love at first sight. I went straight to you enchanted by your lovely smiling face and then I asked you if you had a lighter. 

You said yes joking, so I told you that I was going to smoke a joint on the beach. We talked and walked for hours, you even took me to your hotel. I kissed you and you kissed me. Softly and very sexy. Sexy as shit, turning me on like a sweaty summer day "Fuck, it's a good kisser," I remember thinking. 

Maybe love is something that ephemeral nature by itself. I could spend hours depicting every single part of your face. I loved how your clear deep-blue-eyes looked sparkling.  

Illegal islamic immigration in perspective due to the increase in the crime rate today

No matter how hard the Spaniards try to destroy their own country, they still have a pleasant and sunny one. Millions of tourists visit Spain every summer, filling the coast in search of warm paradisiacal vacations. Vacationers from northern Europe, Germany, Great Britain and Ireland ignore Spain's political problems to enjoy their stay.

From abroad, Spain seems like a normal European country that guarantees the security of citizens efficiently or at least until now. In some regions, such as Catalonia, we can find immigrant juvenile delinquents belonging to Morocco, Algeria and South Africa in general. These inmigrant offenders of Muslim background are producing a significant tension in terms of increasing the crime rate. Some of the districts of Barcelona, such as 'El Raval', appear on the front page of the newspapers almost daily, showing serious crimes such as rape, murder and violent attacks on women and the elderly.

Last year in Bilbao we could read one of the most horrible news I read in my life: a couple of octogenarian elders was robbed, tortured and murdered in their own home by a 13-14-year-old gipsy gang that had a previous great criminal record. This crime strongly impacted Spanish society. A humble elderly couple who worked hard all their lives to buy a small apartment located in a modest working-class district.

Since 2015, Europe has seen a criminal increase that coincides with the massive refugees that host the EU program. Countries such as the Czech Republic, Hungary or Macedonia refused to provide refuge to refugees. From now on, I will call this 'refugees' as economic immigrants and criminals who are mostly men, not women and children.

Italy is the main country that leads to an anti-immigrant policy against the EU. The economy and high unemployment are the main concerns of Italians and also of illegal immigration. Austria, Poland and the Netherlands also experienced an increase in the intention to vote for the right-wing parties in the last 5 years. It was not by chance.

The United Kingdom has one of the highest crime rates in all European countries, identical to France, in cities such as the outskirts of Marseille or Paris. Germany suffered gang violations and crimes too. It is possible to see this increase in the crime rate in many EU countries.

EU states are obliged to house Islamic background immigrants, including illegal ones who suspend the sovereignty of each country. The EU economy depends on a fine thread, so countries like Poland that are still developing their economy have the right to decide what type of immigrants they let in (such as Ukrainian refugees).

Spain is suffering these challenges at this time, leaving Spanish citizens abandoned, frustrated because they feel they have no control over their borders. Last week, the Spanish forces of the 'Civil Guard' were attacked with sulfuric acid by a notable group of African immigrants at the border.

Besides, Spain has an influx of African immigrants arriving on the peninsula thanks to its mafias of origin and thanks to NGOs that receive millions of euros a year to transport illegal immigrants to EU countries that cross the Mediterranean Sea by boat provided by the mafias.

It is not necessary to mention that there is a great social trial because leftist parties label supporters of anti-immigration policies as racist fanatics of white pride, so because of this social judgment, Europeans are afraid to use their freedom of expression and be judged socially.

Despite all this, there is something true: statistics. If we continue to record that a notable percentage of crimes are committed by illegal immigrants of Islamic and African origin who have been raised in a society in which violence against women, children and homosexuals is standardized, Europe will have a big problem shortly time, except the right-wing parties win the elections.

I saw this image several times on Twitter and it shows perfectly what is happening in Europe. I hope we open our eyes and stop this madness.

Juvenile Spanish Delinquency in late 70s, 80s and 90s

After the 40-year dictatorship occurred in Spain last century, Spanish people suffered an extraordinarily financial and employment crisis, which led Spain to one of the hardest times ever known. Franco's dictatorship meant poverty and a lack of infrastructures in the country, although the national health care system was established and the economy was balanced and regulated by the very regime.

The late 70s  practically supposed a freedom blast for art, politics, press and socially, on the whole, Spanish citizens were repressed not only by social biases solely for women.  It was sociably frowned being single and having children or even just having fun. However, Spain was crowded with humble, kind people even though Spain's history is darkened by many crimes not only during the dictatorship period, also in the democracy period establishment.

This after-dictatorship period disclosed poverty and illiteracy, public emergent at every city outskirts. City's outskirts were inhabited by rural agrarian families who migrated from the countryside to big cities seeking a working and economical enhancement. Outskirts housing buildings were built up in no time, thus these suburbs had no basic facilities such as medical centre, electricity, water supply and schools.

In these severe circumstances proliferated teen delinquency quickly. Gangs were rapidly formed due to the fault of working opportunities longing to help their families. Those teen gangs used to assault violently banks, robbing women bag, breaking into houses or stealing cars, characterizing road chases by police forces. These young offenders were named as “quinquis”.

Besides, it is necessary to introduce a crucial new element that hardened young organized crime at that time, drug abuse, particularly heroin. From then on, young suburb delinquents, not only committed crimes for the economy and working situation but also for funding their heroin dependence.

It is well-known heroin was mysteriously introduced in Spain in the late 70s and was commercialized, at least in part, by police and influential people. That is somewhat which has not been examined properly by no government in the past 40 years and needless to say it should have been reviewed.

Some of the most remarkable "quinquis" delinquents became pretty popular among the population, being idolised as heroes. For instance, teen boys as "El Jaro" or "El Vaquilla" turned into famous burglars in cities as Madrid or Barcelona.  

Some film directors as Eloy De la Iglesia, Carlos Saura or Jose Antonio de la Loma started carrying out a new film Spanish genre about juvenile delinquency and heroin abuse (called "quinqui cinema"), in which movies main characters were portrayed by actual offenders as "El Torete".

Eloy de la Iglesia was also a notable filmmaker who was even addicted to heroin as well as his actors. His films, on the whole, were influenced by Stanley Kubrick and the Nouvelle Vague, furthermore, his filmography is pure gold, leaving films as "Colegas", and the unconventional "El Pico" and "El Pico 2".

In some way, these movies related how hopeless looked young offender's lives regarding crime, drugs and police abuse. Almost all the actual actors of "quinqui cinema" passed away on the grounds of a heroin overdose, aids or in prison. They knew that way of life so well, consequently "quinqui" genre film displays realism though actors were not professional at all. Somehow, unwillingly, they implemented the "Live Fast, Die Young" nihilist philosophy as a way of life.

This reality in Spain has been a burden until the late 1990s when there were still young people torn apart by heroin abuse. The heroin devastated not only young people but also ruined families due to drug debts. It was heartbreaking to see how a mother was looking for her son or daughter for days because they suddenly disappeared and maybe they were already dead from an overdose. Parents robbed by their children addicted to heroin ended up in bankruptcy. This is part of our recent history.

As I mentioned earlier, I really believe that there was a great interest in heroin trafficking during those years. The socialist government caused a deep financial crisis and perhaps the introduction of heroin was a strategy to repress the young rebels. The percentage of heroin addicts was not the same throughout Spain. Regions such as the Basque Country, Barcelona, ​​Madrid and specific cities had a tremendous percentage of consumers addicted to heroin, as well as crime.

Even the terrorist organisation, E.T.A., combated heroin trafficking in the Basque country, where the strain of heroin was pretty harmful. The E.T.A. purposes were indeed using young Basque people to confront the socialist government and training them as professional assassins, so they needed them in good shape and health.

At present young people do not know anything about that time, we do not show it in schools, we do not tell it, but it is very important to remark that heroin took away so many lives, as a war. We cannot forget those victims, not just the addicted-to-heroin people, but as well as families who suffered so much without eventually knowing the truth. We demand the truth. We want corrupters names and how it started to be distributed by Spain and why.